Transcribed by Rob email-removed D G A A D G A A(stop) Tripod: Ba-da-da da da da-da da da da da-da da da, da-da da da dum. D A Ba-da-da da da da-da da da da da-da da da, da-da da da. D A(played over and over during spoken part) Y & G: (do do do do, do-do-do-do-do) Scod: Thanks guys for coming to the final festival show for the year 2000 of Tripod. It's lovely to see so many of you here on Easter. Y & G: (do do do do, do-do-do-do-do) Scod: First of all what I thought might be nice is if I just talk shit for a while and see how long these guys can keep that up. Y & G: (do do do do, do-do-do-do-do) Gatesy: We could do it all night! Scod: Yes, that's what I've read. Y & G: (do do do do, do-do-do-do-do) Scod: And then what I thought we might do is start off with a song. Which, I guess, this is an ode to the unsung hero of the human body. This is a song about how handy it is to have mucus... D G Em A Yon: Mucus, I love you 'cause of all of the useful things you do, D Bm Em A Gatesy: You are the fluid, when I'm disillusioned, you're who I go to. G A D Bm Scod: There is no secretion that is as versatile as you, G A D A Tripod: Mucus I love you, mucus I do. D G Em A Scod: Oh mucus, how do I give thanks to you 'cause, D A Bm G A There's no end to all the tasks that are done by mucus. Bm Yon: Disinfectant... B Scod: Insulation... E A Gatesy: Mucus, you trap foreign bodies. D(let ring) Tripod: Da da da da da da! D G Em A You're a sealant, lubricant, and you're a glucose, D A Bm G A Venus flytraps, they secrete extra-sticky mucus. Bm Yon: Also... Gatesy: ...as a mode of... B Scod: ...transportation... E A D Gatesy: ...mucus, you're bacteria's best friend. G Em A Y & S: Mucus, I love you 'cause of all of the useful things you do, D Bm Em A You are the fluid, when I'm disillusioned, you're who I go to. Bm(let ring) Em(play from high to low(up stroke) and let ring) Scod: Back when the Earth was only young C(upstroke, let ring) Y & G: (Young young young young) G Gatesy: And we were in the ocean, life had just begun. D A Scod: Primeval ooze, just another word for youse, you are my ancestor, D G C Tripod: As well as what you do, A D A Mucus, I evolved from you! D A D A Yon: Hey ladies.... Hey, hey ladies.... hey hey.... Dm(bar) and G played over and over Hey ladies, meet Gatesy! He's our very own burgundy-clad doctor of luuurve, who also happens to specialise in the art of male erratic tabletop dancing. That's right girls, he'll inconsistently pleasure you all night long! Interested? Well, his contact number is 7754-DANGEROUS. Gatesy: Ladies, meet Scod. (Audience cheers) Gatesy: It's not a competition! The true essence of geek chic, cool, clever and calculating. The poster boy for Dungeons and Dragons - there he is now, tossing for charisma. He enjoys nothing more than a quiet evening at home playing Star Wars trivial pursuit, and is often compared to C3PO. And is just as camp, let me tell ya. Ladies, are you interested? Fellas, are you interested? Whooo, what a way to finish the festival! If you are, you can contact him on 1-BIG#DORK. (back to D and A played) Scod: Okay girls, I know you've been watching him all night, well now's your chance. His name's Yonny, he's on loan to us from the X-Files people. But we've only got him till Monday - we have to have him back for one of the Myer window displays by Christmas, so it's up to you to make the most of this little rubber sexual inferno. He's been watching Baywatch all summer, he sure knows how to turn it on in the sack. Umm... I mean sack racing! Gatesy: Whatever that has to do with Baywatch, you know, hey. Scod: If you're interested in him... well, God help you, but his contact code is 053-YODA. Yon: A-one, a-two, a-one two, break it down! Tripod: Ba-da-da da da da-da da da da da-da da da, da-da da da dum. D A Ba-da-da da da da-da da da da da-da da da, da-da da da. D G(stop) Mucus, I love you. Em A(stop) When I'm feeling blue. D G(stop) You will get me through. Em A Ba-da-da-da-da-da! D G Em A In movies, such as those made by George Lucas, D A Bm G A When they need to simulate realistic mucus. Bm B Special experts need to be there, E A A# Mucus, you create employment! Scod: (Yeah), D# G# Fm A# Tripod: Mucus, I love you, 'cause of all of the useful things you do, Y & G: (You know you do it). G# A# D# C# Cm Tripod: There is no secretion that is anywhere as pleasing. G# That's the reason, Scod: (Yeah), A# Gatesy: Mucus, D# D# Tripod: I love you!